Becca Borawski’s Blog

These ads are a few years old, originally released in 2005, but still sassy and completely appropriate.

My shoulders aren’t dainty or proportional to my hips. Some say they are like a man’s. I say, leave men out of it. They are mine. I made them in a swimming pool then I went to yoga and made my arms.

My knees are tomboys. They get bruised and cut every time I play soccer. I’m proud of them and wear my dresses short. My mother worries I will never marry with knees like these. But I know there’s someone out there who will say to me: I love you and I love your knees. I want the four of us to grow old together.

My butt is big and round like the letter C and then thousand lunges have made it rounder but not smaller. And that’s just fine. It’s a space heater for my side of the bed. It’s my ambassador. To those who walk behind me, it’s a border collie that herds skinny women away from the best deals at clothing sales. My butt is big and that’s just fine. And those who might scorn it are invited to kiss it.

I have thunder thighs.  And that’s a compliment because they are strong and toned and muscular.  And though they are unwelcome in the petite section, they are cheered on in marathons.  Many years from now I’ll bounce a grandchild on my thunder thighs and then I’ll go out for a run.

My legs were once two hairy sticks that weren’t very good at jump rope.  But by the time I reached the age of algebra they had come into their own.  And now in spin class they are revered.  Envied for their strength, honored for their beauty, hairless for the most part.  Except that place the razor misses just behind the ankle.

Rest Day

I realized that I have been approaching preparation for my surgery a bit like I approach preparing to take a trip.  I run myself ragged for days leading up to the trip, all the time telling myself it’s okay because “I’ll sleep on the plane.”  And while technically I will be sleeping during my surgery…it’s really not the same at all.  And, in fact, one might want to be rested prior to the so-called sleeping.

So, I am taking a rest day today so I can be fresh for tomorrow.  Not to mention, I am usually god-awful sleepy the day after a migraine anyway.  And being that I am 2 Diet Rockstars deep in the day already, this phenomena seems to be holding true.

What Makes Being A Woman Amazing

or What I’m Buying and Why I’ll Be Absent a While

Recently I made a decision to purchase what I consider to be a very nice gift to myself. It is something I have wanted for a very long time and something that will have lasting value. Indeed, it is something I will literally enjoy the benefit of on a daily basis for the rest of my life. Although expensive, when viewed in light of its longevity and in terms of the quality of the item, it is most definitely worth the price.

And to my surprise, I have discovered people have a rather strong opinion about what I have decided to give myself. People, without fail, have a reaction to my sharing. Some share my enthusiasm, some are judgmental, some are surprised, and some others are probably hiding from me what they really think.

So what in the world am I buying for myself? Well, first let me tell you why I’m buying it.

I have a clear idea of how I imagine a woman who has reached her full potential appears in the world. She is beautiful. She is strong. She is intelligent. She is feminine, sexy, active, witty, educated, and fun. I think a woman can be athletic and attractive at the same time. I know this, in part, because of CrossFit and the women who populate the CrossFit community.

And yet, working out can in some cases affect the feminine side of things. Which brings me to my purchase…

I love being a girl. I love being girlie. I know, some of you are thinking, “You lift heavy stuff and punch things and I’ve never seen you in a skirt.” Well, that’s just because you only see me at the gym. I love manicures, I love high heels, I love make-up and mini skirts, and I love being a girl. I love being shaped like a girl.

And herein lies the problem – the fitter I get and the leaner I get, the more my naturally unshapely upper body becomes, well, increasingly unshapely. Decreased body fat is nice for your abs…but not so much for your girl parts. I didn’t start with a whole lot and I don’t have a lot to spare.

For many years I’ve wished things were a little different, even previous to CrossFit.   Today, I feel fitter and happier than I’ve ever been, and more beautiful than ever before in my life.  I am diligent about caring for my body on every level.  But there’s always that one thing…that I just wish was different…that I picture differently in my head…and I believe that if something is a consistent complaint, you either accept it and get over it, or you do something about it. And as of now, I’m doing something about it.

At 8:00am this coming Thursday morning I’ll become the proud owner of a set of breast implants. I am considering it an early birthday present to myself and I’m really genuinely excited about it. I can’t wait to fit my clothes better and feel even more feminine, beautiful and complete. I’ll have to take some time off from working out, which honestly, is one of the main reasons I hadn’t done the procedure before. But for me, I feel like the downtime will be an investment for me and in me. An investment in feeling whole and creating myself and my life as I dream them to be.

Which is what it comes back to for me and why I want to speak about this publicly – being a complete woman means I can be strong, I can be muscular, I can be feminine and if I want to rock a mini-skirt I can do that, too. I don’t have to feel bad about being muscular. I don’t have to feel bad about wanting to be a girlie-girl. One doesn’t take away from the other and in fact, it’s what makes being a woman amazing.

7:00am - CrossFit, All Levels

This week we’ve started doing some of the workouts from the CrossFit Games.  Scaled, of course, to something that normal people can actually do!

“CrossFit Games Individual Event #5”
7 Rounds for time of:
3 Cleans (110#/115#)
4 handstand push ups (1 abmat, no kip)
10:34

I need to start going lower on the handstand push ups, but I decided to focus on making one element of this workout challenging, as opposed to both elements.  So I decided to focus on the cleans and did the HSPU’s unbroken each round.  Definitely need to make them harder!

On the cleans, I discovered like the jerks last week, I’m just out of practice going heavy.  I started with 110# and after round 4 switched to 115# and I was fine.  I think I probably could do the whole thing with 120# next time.  I need to practice going heavy more often so it’s not just a mental/neurological short out.

I think about dreaming big.  I always have.  My parents taught me I could be anything I wanted to be and I believed them.  I have always gotten what I was truly after and I have always had wants and dreams floating in my head.

But sometimes I get caught up in fantasies.  They are different than dreams and wants, I think.  They pop into my head uninvited and not always do I recognize them.  I think they are real.  I think they are something to do, something to be attained.

A dream may be out of reach, but it is still based somewhat in truth.  It is a possible impossibility.  There is a texture to it and a weight.

A fantasy is a day dream, a story built on ignorance, a place with the luxury of the absence of truth.  That is what is so enticing — where my fantasy lacks truth, my brain fills in only the most desirable of possibilities.  And it is tricky and it knows me.  It makes me think it is real.

But sometimes I catch it out of the corner of my eye and I pause for a moment.  Is it fantasy?  Is this a dream, a road worth following, where I can actually feel the bricks beneath my feet?  Or is it a bridge to nowhere?  I think it is a dream and I chase it only to find myself on my knees, with nothing to show for it.

Do I build my dream on the truths around me — looking at what is rock solid and knowing that if what I truly crave is peace and contribution, freedom of expression and happiness, that no fantasy is needed.  Or do I put faith in the perfection of fantasy, trusting it may turn out to be real, and knowing that even if it does not I can be complete no matter where I find myself.

I think of myself on the beach, staring at the ocean.  I breathe in the salty morning air, feel the dew of the mist on my cheeks, and watch the pelicans skim the waves.  I feel the wet sand around my toes and think of dipping them into the water.  I know if I do the water will pull me into it and I will become one with this picture.  I will drown or set sail.  But, as I look I think it must be perfect and real.  It is everything I want.

Or is it everything I imagine?  Is it too perfect?  Maybe what is best is if I just stand here and breathe.  I taste the salt and wonder.

I could read this poem over and over and over again…

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

A few weeks ago I had the immense pleasure of spending my Sunday morning with a group of women from CrossFit LA.  Previously we had a women’s night at the gym where we networked, chatted, ate food and generally enjoyed time with each other.  This next event was born out of the women of CFLA brainstorming on what they wanted to see and experience.  Two of our students, Carolyn and Kathryn, who are experts in their respective fields, life coaching and adventure racing, did most of the work in creating the event and together, the three of us created a space for the amazing women of CFLA to show up.

And show up they did, indeed!

We had a total of nine women at our Walk & Talk which was the perfect amount for our first foray into this sort of gathering.  We met at Will Rogers park and spent a few hours together.  The time was filled with a lovely hike led by Kathryn, and a discussion and mental exercises based on how tools we learn in CrossFit can be taken out into the world and our lives, guided by Carolyn and me.  At the end, we gathered for a picnic, everyone having brought a dish to contribute.

It proved to be a tremendous opportunity to get to know this group of women better.  I was honored by the level of their sharing and grateful to spend the morning with them.  And, even better, I now know a little bit more about what each of them wants in life and can do my best to support them in achieving that goal!

9:00am - Foam Roller Class, at Revolution

Revolution Fitness has offered a foam roller class on Sundays now that I’ve been trying to take for months.  For one reason or another, holidays, travel, class being canceled, etc, I have yet to be able to take it.  Today was finally the day!

The class is small, 6-7 people maximum.  All the equipment is provided and the instruction is very detailed and diligent.  Cari Bjelajac, who is well known for her spin classes, teaches this class and is a great source of knowlege.  To say I enjoyed the foam rolling would not be accurate, as foam rolling is by nature excruciating, but I did truly enjoy soaking up all the information she had to offer in regards to what we were doing.

I look forward to trying this class again and seeing how it varies from class to class.

CrossFit LA “Santa Monica Smoker” Challenge Finals

Today was the finals day for our current challenge, the “Santa Monica Smoker.”

30 Front Squats (75% bodyweight, 105#)
1 Mile Run
11:15

My baseline time on this ten weeks about was 12:10 and I had no idea I was actually going faster today.  I thought I would end up with a really similar time to my baseline and was pleasantly surprised to turn up a minute faster.

I find the challenge days difficult as I am not able to warm up the way I prefer and I find the older I get the more I need to warm up, both mentally and physically.

That being said, this didn’t feel too bad at all.  I was very relaxed on the front squat.  I did them in 4 sets, which is the same number of sets I did on the baseline, but I think the numbers were a little different for the sets.  It took me about 2:25 to do the front squats today.

I would have gotten a faster start on the run, but I didn’t have my iPod hooked up properly and had to try to run and mess with it at the same time for the first 200m.  But, who knows, maybe it distracted me from my legs being tight and it was actually a good thing—you never know!

All in all I was very pleased to be a minute faster and I was so excited to see all the students and instructors just crushing this one today!

12:00pm - CrossFit, Advanced

Today I am definitely feeling the residual effects of yesterday’s…enthusiasms!  My legs and hip flexors are super tired.  This workout looked fun though and I didn’t have time to sneak in a run today, so I figured the one mile in the workout would be a good little taste.

800m Run
50-40-30-20-10 Box Jumps (20”)
10-20-30-40-50 Spider-to-Crabs
800m Run
25:55

Spider to crabs were reminiscent of jiu-jitsu and wrestling drills to me, so the move itself wasn’t too bad.  In the higher reps it definitely became tiring on the shoulders and somehwat on the hips, too.

My first 800m I did in exactly 4 minutes.  The second one I forgot to look at the clock before I headed out, but it was easily one of the slower runs I’ve probably ever done.  It was painful after all those box jumps.  I felt crampy and acidy in my muscles.

I remember being much faster at box jumps in the past.  I’m not sure if it’s just that I’m out of practice as I haven’t worked much on the bounding technique in a long time….or, more likely, I’m just too lazy to go very fast so I don’t bother with bounding.  It’s far more likely that I’m just lazy.